How to Write Non-traditional Wedding Vows

Non-traditional wedding vows are essentially vows not bound by the regulations and restrictions that come with following a formal script designed to fit any bride and groom. Writing your own vows is the first step toward breaking out of the traditional paradigm of ’til death do us part, etc. and using the marriage ceremony as an expression and an exploration of the unique understandings and desires of two people who have come together to form a wholly new third entity: your relationship as a married couple.

Once freed from the restraints of traditional vows, the challenge becomes one of choosing elements from the infinite tumbling stream of words and images from each person’s history, memory and creativity of mind. Sometimes you can do this together. That is, you can sit together (or email back and forth) with a pile of books of prose, poetry and quotes that have been meaningful or inspirational that you want to share with the other and with all who will be in attendance. Or perhaps you will each explore your newly discovered personal landscape of love in private and surprise the other on your special wedding day.

Revelations of Love

However, these collections of quotes and phrases should serve as an inspirational jumping off point to plumb the depths of your own feelings, hopes and desires. Far more important than your own feelings even, may be the beauty you can see only in the other that no one else can possibly see. This beauty is only revealed as a reflection in the mysterious pool of love that lies between the two of you.

From these revelations of love the two of you share, can spring the wording of vows to be spoken aloud giving them the power to under gird the commitments you pledge to each other. Furthermore, spoken vows from the deepest recesses of the heart can be a touchstone of strength to be recalled in the trying years ahead. When these words founded in joy and devotion are recalled, they can open a gate of power, a flood of memory about the profundity of your lives together.

One recommendation, however, is that you do write your non-traditional wedding vows out and even rehearse them before the special day. Unless you are an experienced lecturer used to delivering your insights extemporaneously, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable, even amongst those who love you, if you know what you’re going to say ahead of time. You’re expressions of love can then burst into spontaneous utterances more memorably when they are based upon a foundation you’ve thought carefully about.

About the Author

Curtis McCoscoCurtis McCosco lives on the island of Kauai, Hawaii with his wife of over 20 years, KatRama Brooks. Together they own and operate Rainbow Weddings on Kauai. A professional wedding photographer for over 15 years, he is also a video documentarian, writer, and masseur. A practicing Buddhist, he also does Qigong on a daily basis.View all posts by Curtis McCosco

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